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Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.
It’s silly how we spend money on clothes when naked is free.
that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
Iron Man is a superhero. Iron woman is a command.
I`m the crazy bitch you`ll never forget.
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
I could do so much more if I only had minions.
My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she`s died so I could get out of having to go somewhere
I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."
When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.