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People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
When I`m bored, nobody texts me. But as soon as I`m busy, BAM! ... still nobody texts me.
With the promise of Free Drinks or Food, I’m willing to go pretty much anywhere.
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
Just because you have a beard doesn`t mean you`re a man. Last time I checked vaginas can grow hair too.
I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."
So I harvested my tomato today, it`s bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.
Interesting fact: Prior to the creation of hummus and ranch dressing nobody ate uncooked vegetables.
24 hours in a day.. 24 beers in a case.. coincidence?
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
No matter how nice I ask random people, nobody will take me to Funkytown.
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won`t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.