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We live in the era of smartphones & stupid people
Sorry for accidentally karate kicking you. Sorry for high-fiving everyone who saw it.
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.
Get real. No one’s going to form a single line if the building’s on FIRE.
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.
I don’t understand shark movies I mean just get out of the water.
My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
The worst part of Aquaman`s day has to be, when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she`s the one.
Bran flakes. Helping pants fit better for over 100 years.
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time :(
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.