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Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Sorry I`m late... I accidentally pulled the chain on the ceiling fan one too many times for like 9 hours straight.
You know what tastes better than one taco? Two tacos!
Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face....damn kids and thier sharpies.
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
Don`t forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
This status has been censored by Facebook
If I didn`t drink, how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
Don`t you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream.