Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Does ke$ha go by k€sha in Europe?
My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.
I pack an hour before leaving for a trip but unpacks 3 months after coming home
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
There is no such thing as bad luck, there is good luck and life!
It only takes 2 ingredients to make a baby. Does that not blow your mind. Like at least there should be some flour or something.
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
I hate when you tell someone you’re bored, and they suggest getting together. Then you have to explain that you’re not quite that bored.
Walmart...because going to Target requires identity theft protection and a shower.
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.
I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i`m pretty sure they`re hallucinations.
Don`t let anyone call you an "underachiever". If they knew you, they`d know how amazing it is that you`ve managed to accomplish anything.