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I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don’t mix it up this year!
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
I`ve seen bride magazines but have yet to see "Eager Groom" magazines.
Just when I think I`m over my insomnia the car behind me honks.
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.