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Halloween always exposes my weakness for Milk Duds, I am powerless. Tomorrow I will attend MDA, Milk Duds Anonymous
Just once I’d like to learn something the easy way.
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror naked just to remind myself what nobody`s getting.
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
I`m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
It`s only October 3rd and I`ve already beaten the sh!t out of two motion activated skeletons at store entrances.
My predictive text dictionary doesn’t have “tsunami”, so if you ever get a text from me that says “trumang” start running.
Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer.
My roommate complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
Stop picking on Justin Bieber. That`s somebody`s daughter.
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep