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Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.
Some people are more confused then a chameleon in a packet of Skittles.
I wish I would of asked if she believed in sex after marriage
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
I hate in video games how penguins always use their ability to slide on their stomachs for evil
drink beer ?? save water
I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid. And some I’d love to punch them in the face.
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.
I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?