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When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
I`ve been hiding from exercise. I`m in the fitness protection program.
Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It`s the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!
What`s the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
Sorry, I didn`t get your text...Just kidding, I ignored that sh!t.
Irony: Asking God to help you on a science exam.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
Good job on the speed traps, cops – How are the murderer traps coming along?
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.
Being an American is awesome. The end.
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
My last thought in life will probably be ” I wonder what happens if I touch this?”
*driving behind a cop* Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned.