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I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
Most people decide to have scramble eggs immediately after thinking: "I`ll just flip this omelette"
Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
You never hear skinny people saying, "I`m just small boned."
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
You could give me 45 years to do homework and I still wouldn’t do it until the night before.
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
My lifetime stats are pretty average until you move over to the Pizza Consumed column.
It’d be hilarious to release a gorilla in a gorilla suit at the mall and see the look on security’s face when they pull off the mask.
I bet giraffes don`t even know what farts smell like.
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
Don’t compare yourself to others, that’s when you start to lose confidence in yourself.
Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid people
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."
Next time I`m on an elevator with four or more strangers, I`m going to turn around and say, "I`m sure you`re wondering why I`ve gathered you all here."