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The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
The United States is probably the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer all day.
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
I paid attention to the construction signs and got in the correct lane. You ignored them for miles and now you want me to let you in. Not gonna happen.
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The Matrix.
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
I`m a very modest person, mostly because I`m awesome.
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"
My number was 0...
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up -- In 30 minutes? In 3 hours? In 9 years? No one can ever be sure.
The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.