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Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
I believe in love at first episode.
Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
It`s only October 3rd and I`ve already beaten the sh!t out of two motion activated skeletons at store entrances.
the only correct answer to are u ticklish? is i have explosive diareha right now
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.