Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
I`m pretty sure if someone broke into my house, my dog would just show them how much he likes to lick his balls
I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you
Sometimes I feel like people I know are just using me for my likes.
You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.
The tragedy of Scooby-Doo is that whoever kept supplying criminals with such realistic prosthetic masks was never caught.
I should be asleep, but there are a lot of things I should be.
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
My phone tried to autocorrect "f*cking" to "f*ck king," and I was like hell yeah I am.
If you don`t take 500 selfies a day, do you even love yourself?
Today`s subliminal thought is: …
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.
My mum`s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you`re Pa`s in hospital LOL.