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To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
Sh!t`s spiraling out of control and I`m all like "wheeeee."
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Nothing screams DUI like wearing a really nice suit on a city bus.
I hate it when 18 wheelers blow their horns while Im driving, that sh*t wakes me up!
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole
It`s amazing how I come up with my best status updates when I`m in the shower or when I`m driving. I think it has a lot to do with me being naked.
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)
is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
The best thing about living in the southern U.S. is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense.
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don`t want to see a lot of it...
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.