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Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
"I woke up with morning wood. She woke up with morning wouldn`t."
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
I have an amazing psychic ability to find objects just before people lose them. Unfortunately, the police call it theft.
I scratch my a$$ way to much to chew my fingernails...
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
Some people`s lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
You know what’s easy? ... Opening another beer
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
I pulled my wife`s panties to the side.......then put the rest of her socks in the drawer.