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If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off
I`m not crazy, I`m just special!!...No, wait...Maybe I am crazy. One second...I have to talk to myself about this, hold on...
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don`t have to share.
If the shoe fits, shove it further up their a$$
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
You might think you`re smart until you try using someone else`s microwave.
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....