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Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
Singing passionately in the shower: Pretty good idea. Dancing passionately in the shower: Not so much.
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
I wouldn`t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
With great power comes great electricity bill.
I`m tired of people assuming I`ve got a good personality because I`m ugly.
The worst part of Aquaman`s day has to be, when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this...
My IQ? ... With google or without?
Odd Fact: The names of characters in Inception are: Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mal and Saito. Note the first letters = DREAMS.