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I`m old enough to remember when cell phones actually got smaller every year.
My train of thought likes to circle around the station a few times, take some wrong turns, and end up totally lost.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra.
There is no "we" in "bacon", so don`t even ask.
Everything happens for a reason. That`s why I drink to everything!
Autocorrect is a great feature, but it can also be your worst enema.
*breaking news music plays* Last thought of the night: Why is now everyone talkin` bout "twerkin`"? Man, that shyt been `round since the days of Hammer pants and spandex shorts!!!!
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
Don’t let anyone push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon because that might actually be fun.
Leaving the house on a Monday morning would be so much cooler if someone would yell "Aaaaand Action!" as I walk out the door.
Ban pre-shredded cheese! Make America grate again.
I said my wife`s name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet`s empty...
You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that sh!t.