Daily Silly Status

Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though

Just once when they interview a serial killer’s neighbor I’d like to hear them say “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, he was a real Weirdo”

I don`t know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...

If they just built prisons out of the sh!t they package electronics in, no one could ever escape.

Was sitting, doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.

My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."

All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.

I`ve been wondering, If poison goes out of date and expires, does it become more or less deadly?

E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.

I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.

"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.

I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.

There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.

Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.

I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)