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My boss said we needed to find ways to save time and be more productive, so I just moved the coffee maker to my desk
I think I`m gonna shave my legs so that there`s less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.
Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
From this point on, all postings of pictures of waffles will be considered a personal invitation.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth … and drink all the vodka inside … It seems to help
A small child called 911 upon seeing a zebra because he thought a horse escaped from jail
people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it`s the only way I can talk to you.
Hey Pringles, it`s time to widen the can. Your core demographic isn`t exactly thin-wristed.
My body needs a refresh button.
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops