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If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
is available for rebound sex.
Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
I’m eating just in case I get hungry later
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
I`m fortunate that anger and nicotine have zero calories.
I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “well that’s not going to happen.”
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table... It’s what they want.
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?