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Tip: When you’re not famous, people don’t let you pay for things with an autographed napkin.
After listening to what some people have to say, I am rethinking the importance this whole freedom of speech thing.
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
I`m so proud of myself, I spent all night putting my Christmas decorations up myself.. I`m now at the hospital having them removed
I say the things better left unsaid.
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.