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Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
Today please just pretend I wrote something hilarious, click like, and move on down the news feed.
My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewelry. In my defense, I didn`t even know she sold jewelry.
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
your status deserves a standing ovation but I`m lazy I`ll just click `like`
Side effects of telling your wife to get a grip may include throat bruising or testicular swelling.
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
I have heard of women that aren`t crazy, but I`ve also heard of Unicorns.
My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.