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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
"Thanks for coming" - sperm bank receptionist.
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
Did I already do my deja vu joke?
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
With my background and genetics, you guys should be happy I am half as normal as I am.
Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl
Treat your mom to a margarita this mothers day! Remember you`re the reason she drinks.
"If Donald Duck doesn`t have to wear pants than neither do I!"- Me getting drunk at Disney World.
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"
If anybody in North America needs a napkin, hit me up. I should have enough in my car’s glovebox for each of you.