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You’d think “attractive neighbor leaves curtains open” would appear in more real estate listings.
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
Men are like cheap dishes - easily broken & completely replaceable!
Just moisturized my hands and now I can`t get out of the bathroom. Send help.
You bring everyone a lot of joy ... when you leave the room.
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
My doctor is getting really tired of me asking if the stuff I see in commercials is right for me.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
Waiter, bring me a bowl of turtle soup and make it snappy.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.
Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!
All my dance moves look like i`m trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second