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Kiss me I`m Irish, put a little tongue in it, I`m French too
I bet you $567.89 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized
Just in case you are wondering ... I did not go to Jared.
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
I’m drinking while I work out…I call it Bacardio.
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
If practice makes perfect, one day I will make the perfect mistake.
If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
I like when people call me "Sir". I just wish they wouldn`t follow it up with "you`re making a scene."
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(