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My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
Iām not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
And then her mood ring just...exploded
Sadly, the opposite sex is ignoring me like a check engine light.
Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There`s a nap for that.
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
I once bought shoes in China that said "made around the corner"
I was fighting with this guy over who`s lazier. I let him win.
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
I party until the taxi with the pretty red and blue lights picks me up.
Me: Well hello again. I knew you`d be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave
Wow comma I just realized if I tap the microphone on my keyboard I don`t have to type out my statuses anymore exclamation point
Being an adult is mostly pretending to like wine and saying "the economy" a lot.
"Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper butt? - You`re wondering now!!!"