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some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
This time change has me all messed up. Driving with my hands at 11 and 3 is hard
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
Every time someone says "Have a nice day!", I yell "DON`T F**KING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
Using Romeo & Juliet to express how in love you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.
My wife told me I have to quit playing poker all the time but I think she`s bluffing...
When I was a kid...no wait, I still do that.
One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.
Cute things to put in a letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend; I adore you. You complete me. Must stay 500 yards away at all times.