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The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can`t hear you" over and over
My cat probably thinks I`m cleaning my ice cream...
I don`t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
The fox says you need to stop.
I just don`t want to look back and think "I could`ve eaten that"
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
I always thought a chickpea was just when girls go to the bathroom in groups.
Dear Toilet Paper Makers, We`ve all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the center softer. Thank you...
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
This century is already 15% over.
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
I don`t call it lying down, I call it landscape mode.
I’m not a “stalker”. I want to make sure you’re okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.
Boss: "Are you texting?" Me: "No, I`m Tweeting." Boss: "What`s the difference?" Me: "Texting would imply that I have friends."
The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn`t seem to be having the desired affect.