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I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad
Kids today don`t know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
The way my kids act at Walmart, it`s just a matter of time before the security camera footage is a hit reality show!
Twerking is just shaking your a$$? Why did we need a new word? A$$-shaking has served us well for centuries.
According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with "Go away."
I burn bridges to keep those crazy bastards from following me.
Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
Currently training for when they inevitably make drinking an Olympic sport.
My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.