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I`m at my most judgmental when standing behind someone in a buffet line.
How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
I wonder if angry people know about naps?
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
If you can say "I made six figures last year," you either have a well paying job or you`re the worst employee at a toy factory
You say I’m dirty minded, but how did you understand what I meant?
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
My Life Alert bracelet says.....: I`m Just Napping
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.