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Got a little too much sun today. I knew I should have closed the blinds.
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with “So this one time I was eating a salad….”
I`m placing myself in "time-out" until I`m able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
Be thankful your GPS doesn`t get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
Chinese scientists have discovered the rare rock n roll panda it will only eat A wop bop a loo lop a wop Bamboo
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
I always buy a Get Well Soon card for the couple who invites me to their wedding.
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
I don`t know what I would do without Facebook, but I`m sure it would be something more productive
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?
Nobody expects you to post brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.
Are you still bored? Head over to Walmart, take a box of condoms to the checkout clerk, and ask where the fitting room is.