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You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.
There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
I finally figured out how to get rid of that annoying sound in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out!!
I dream of a day when a mysterious hand will pop out of the screen and b!tch-slap you silly each time you post a boring or stupid status.
There`s only one kind of exercise I know and its the beer run.
I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didn’t hear me call shotgun.
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.
most teens are switching to twitter instead of facebook. noone wants to get on facebook and catch dad pocking mom... if you kno what I mean;)