Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Girls become instant best friends when they find out they hate the same people.
the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon someone would walk in and sit down in the stall next to me.
My safe word is "Make sure we don`t go over the hour. That`s all the cash I got on me."
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
Story of my life : 1. i wake up .... 2. i go to school.... 3. i see a girl .... 4. i run to her and kiss her.... Actually, the right order is 2,3,4,1 ..
There are so many things in life I still need to lick.
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
FUN FACT: If you take all of the marshmellows out of a box of Lucky Chrams, you`ll have a bag of Purina Cat Chow
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.