Daily Silly Status

I’m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.

I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.

I’m eating for two – me and that skinny girl inside my body. She likes cake, too.

once a homeless guy said to me `Hey you got a dollar` and I said `wow your absolutely right..with psychic powers like that I`m surprised your still homeless` got in my car and left..

Do women know that it`s perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?

Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.

You need a high five, in the face, with a chair.

This sushi restaurant has the worst service. "Sir, this is an aquarium"

It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.

I can almost always tell if a movie doesn`t use Real dinosaurs.

The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job there.

A small child called 911 upon seeing a zebra because he thought a horse escaped from jail

Looks like I’m in the doghouse again, but I don’t know why. All I said to the wife was, “Is there anything important you want to tell me before the World Cup starts?”

You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.

Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"