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I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
Still not 100% clear on whether French Montana is a person or a steakhouse special.
I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
Was the little pig who decided to built his house out of straw some sort of f***ing idiot?
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
I`ve been hiding from exercise. I`m in the fitness protection program.
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
If you aren`t sure if you like someone, here`s a test: imagine they`re dead. Now, was it an accident or did you murder them?
Want someone to stop texting you? Sleep with them.
I`ve honestly never been more disappointed in life than when I found out that the Miami Dolphin football team was made up entirely of people
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....
It`s kind of funny how as you get older, you start enjoying things that you hated as a kid, like taking naps and getting spanked.
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.