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When I say "It`s a long story," it doesn`t mean it`s actually a long story. It means I just don`t want to tell you.
Breaking News: Tuesdays suck just as much as Mondays.
If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
Heat causes things to expand, so I`m not fat; I`m just hot.
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"
Wait, whaddya mean... cookie dough can be baked? Seriously?