Daily Silly Status

My wife’s new cooking show will be called, "Do you smell Something Burning?"

I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.

Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)

There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.

To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"

I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.

My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.

I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.

I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before

The only difference between Black Friday and a zombie apocalypse is that zombies don`t care if you get the last iPad Mini.

You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when first dating? Well, after 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".

Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?

Don`t EVER break a pinky promise. That sh!t is LEGIT.

For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.

They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.