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Where do homeless people find all these sharpies?
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
www.amish.com. How did this happen?
Putting vodka in my juice, because it`s Russia somewhere.
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
If you ever need nothing I am here for you.
For most things there’s MasterCard For everything else there’s Vodka
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
If you`re wondering why you`re single, date someone. You`ll remember
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!
They`ve been farting with my facebook again. It`s like the old days when the the girl you woke up with wasn`t the one you went to bed with.