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If I could only use one word to describe myself, it would probably be: "not good at following directions".
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not nearly as funny when you live by yourself.
I`ve got this great new drinking game where you take a shot every time you want to get more drunk.
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
Christmas is truly a magical time. It`s made all my money disappear!
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
Do the right thing today: Go to someone`s profile, scroll down 4 months, and like something.
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.