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You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
Can`t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
It`s never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
Oh really? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take to mind your own business
I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!