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I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
Who needs the weather network when you have Facebook.
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
I was going to do a time travelling joke but you guys didn`t like it.
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old.
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.
You know you`re getting old when Happy Hour is a nap.
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?