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Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There’s liquor and you can’t hear them.
As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
I`ve been baptized five times this week in five different churches. I wish the landlord would hurry up and fix my shower.
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.
I just read that ciggarettes cause rectal cancer, I should me fine, I was going to put them in my mouth anyway..
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.