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Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies.
"Don`t make me regret this." -things I think when accepting a friend request.
Thank you Super Bowl for reminding all Americans how bad we really are at understanding Roman numerals
If you don`t give a f*ck then why you telling everybody?
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
Maybelline claims to make eyelashes appear three times longer…..I think they should start making condoms.
Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me: If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
Men are usually too focused on the cleavage in the shirt to notice the crazy in the eyes.
A bachelor party seems more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
Show some cleavage on bad hair days.