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The pill is the second best thing women can put in their mouths to prevent pregnancy.
Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they`d leave that one on too.
Beer is like sex. When it’s good it’s good…when it’s bad it’s still pretty good.
I`m tired of things costing money
I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
I have heard of women that aren`t crazy, but I`ve also heard of Unicorns.
You know you are getting old when a bunch of annoying teenagers get murdered in a horror movie and you relate more with the killer.
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.