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Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
Some people need to calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance! ..By driving away and not leaving a note.
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
I`m a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I`m your man.
How dare you incinerate that I don`t know big words.
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.