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Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
Yeah, I was dropped as a baby. Into a pool of sheer awesome.
I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.
When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
This earthquake was the first time that I`ve ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."
90% of the apps on my phone don’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
It`s a bird.. it`s a plane..no wait..it`s a blade of grass....
I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"
You know you`re a mom when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.
He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it`s all screaming and sh!t.