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Optimism? Sure, it`s worth a try. I don`t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to open the vodka is the smartest.
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
To a woman, sexual harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. If a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.
So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.
So, if I lie to the government, it’s a felony. But if they lie to me its politics?
Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor.
Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?
I need a partner in wine.
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness