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I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
Most people decide to have scramble eggs immediately after thinking: "I`ll just flip this omelette"
Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
my Dr. says i have ADHD, i dont know how they see.... oooooh a squirrel!
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we’ve had.
If I could get a firm grip on reality...I`d probably choke it.
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.