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Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have booze and snacks in your purse.
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
I`m not lazy I just really enjoy doing nothing!!
Forget drugs and sex. Parents please talk to your kids about their grammar and spelling.
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
My hand has never pumped so hard for a little squirt. Stupid empty soap bottle.
The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so I can rest medicine didn´t work. I´m going to try 1 bourbon, 1 scotch and 1 beer instead.
If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is not working.
Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
“Screw it” – My final thought before making most decisions.
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"