Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That`s about as organic you`re gonna get out of me.
It’s amazing how much more money I have when I’m drunk.
At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.
Psychology — Even trying to spell it correctly screws with your head.
Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
You never know how dirty a song`s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
She asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a helmet and crayons.
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
Just seen this girl walk into a lamp post! I could have stopped her but that wouldn`t have been funny would it
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won`t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.