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India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
I only drank twice last week....Once for three days and once for four days
I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
I really need to clean the house, but I`m thinking it`d be a lot faster to burn it down and start from scratch...
Ride me like you stole me.
She asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a helmet and crayons.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says “haha good one” and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
The mailman just delivered an 8-track of Boz Skaggs Greatest Hits. I guess this fulfills my Columbia House obligation.
"If Donald Duck doesn`t have to wear pants than neither do I!"- Me getting drunk at Disney World.
Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.