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Instead of torturing people for getting information, why don’t they just get them really drunk?
Wishing you a fabulous 2014 that is full of great achievements and experiences. A meaningful chapter waiting to be written HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I realized that at my income level "Wealth Management" really just means re-organizing the money in my wallet by denomination.
I`ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
If tit for tat doesn`t mean flashing guys with tattoos, than I`ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
Sorry about last night texts. My phone was drunk.
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
I don’t care how loud I’m laughing, I’m having fun and you’re not.
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
Personal trainer said we`re going to try some dips today. I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese...He hates me.
And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.